The Self as Other
by Chelsea Forbrook '06

When asked whether I would define myself as the “other” or the “norm” I immediately started thinking of several different situations that I’ve been in, and how others have viewed me in each of those situations. It is very important to discuss and be aware of the position and functions of the “norm” and the “other” in society because it helps us to more fully understand ourselves and the people we come into contact with everyday.  In this paper I will describe two circumstances and discuss what role(s) I played in each of them. The first I chose to write about is that of my experience with the church, since my faith is a huge part of my identity; the second is that of my time spent in San Bernardino, which was a major turning point in my self defining process. These examples will demonstrate how I came to define myself today. I moved from being defined by others to learning how to accept and define myself.
My church experience, up until recent events, has been marked by other people defining who I am. I must first clarify that I play a different role depending on what church I am at, and which specific group of people I am relating to. The best place to start is my home congregation of Bethlehem Lutheran Church in St. Cloud, Minnesota. I was baptized at Bethlehem and have been an active member ever since. Hence, all of the prominent members of the congregation know me well, or at least know of me. Over the years, I have organized fundraising, led the youth band, been one of the only youth involved in adult Bible studies, and have been a leader and example among the youth group. I was hardworking, friendly, modest, caring and passionate. Unknowingly, I set the standard for the “norm” among the youth of Bethlehem. I fit the image of what my congregation thought was acceptable and “right.” I was letting them define who I was by conforming to their expectations.
Being the “norm,” this meant that my sense of “self” constructed the definition of the “other” among the youth of the congregation. The other was everything that I was not. They were the youth that never showed up at church after their confirmation, those who didn’t sing during the service, those who waited for their parents out in the car after the service, and those who only went on the youth trips that were not faith based. Of course, these youth may have found other ways outside of the church to express their faith, but since the congregation does not witness these things, these youth are labeled as deviant, selfish, and uninvolved. Fanon might argue that their status as the other is created through the norm’s act of projection. He says, “In the degree to which I find in myself something unheard-of, something reprehensible, only one solution remains for me: to get rid of it; to ascribe its origin to someone else. In this way I eliminate a short circuit that threatens to destroy my equilibrium” (Fanon, 190). This means that the norm transfers the unacceptable and unwanted qualities within themselves to the other to make themselves feel better. An example of this is that I sometimes have thoughts of skipping church for selfish reasons, but do not want to admit this. To deal with these unwanted feelings, I transfer this characteristic onto the other. This leaves me with the notion that I am somehow “superior” to the other.
Strangely enough, I have felt like the “other” within other churches, for two reasons. I feel that as soon as I walk in the door of an unfamiliar church, my “goodness” is immediately in question based upon my dreadlocks, clothing and eyebrow piercing.  This is not an issue I have to deal with at my home congregation because most of the people there already know me, and they see the real me instead of just my outward appearance. However, when strangers first see me, especially church-going strangers it seems, all they have to rely upon are the stereotypes they are harboring about today’s “punk kids,” and they judge me accordingly. The second reason I feel like an “other” when I visit any church is that I don’t feel as if I completely agree theologically with any denomination of Christianity. I have done a lot of questioning about myself, God, the Bible, and society, and have arrived at a place far different from my high school Lutheranism.  I’ve been exploring many denominations since leaving home and don’t feel as if I can belong to any of them, creating an inward sense of “otherness.”  I feel that those of us who are still questioning many aspects of our beliefs are, at times, looked down upon and viewed as having a weak faith. I don’t feel that my faith is weak, but I sometimes wonder if it is since I cannot confidently say that I belong to and identify with a certain group. There have been times when I have had a strong desire to just pick a denomination and believe what they do so I can feel accepted. According to Fanon, this is a characteristic of the “other.” He writes, “It is understandable that the first action of the black man is a reaction, and, since the Negro is appraised in terms of the extent of his assimilation, it is also understandable why the newcomer expresses himself only in French” (36). The black man in Fanon’s analysis can be equated with the “other.” Here, the black man is trying to gain approval through learning the language of the “norm,” just as I have often wished to gain approval by believing the same thing as a certain group. By thinking in this way, I was once again allowing others to define who I was.
As I read through St. Augustine’s autobiography, I often found myself relating to his struggle and search for self definition. Augustine made a very big decision when he left the teachings of the Manichees to pursue the teachings of the Christian church (Augustine, 109-110). However, as he continued on his journey, he did not feel as if he actually belonged to the Catholic Church or to God. He felt like he was an outsider because he had not fully committed or surrendered his life to God, and was still “going on the broad path of this world” (Augustine, 117-119). Augustine’s journey of questioning, self analysis, study and confession led him to find a complete understanding and acceptance of himself. This is a journey we must all take if we truly want to know and define ourselves. This is the process in which I currently find myself, due to the experience I’m about to explain.
Another experience outside of the church where I came to better understand myself was through my stay at the Central City Lutheran Mission in San Bernardino, California last May term. While staying here, I only saw about six other white people, and half of them were the other Wartburg students with me. It was here that I experienced the most profound split within myself between being identified as the “other” and the “norm.” It was here that I also began to accept myself and define myself.
As soon as I stepped foot onto the mission, I felt an incredible sense of “otherness.” It felt as if everyone was staring at me because I was white, and there was nothing I could do that would go unnoticed. Many minorities feel the public eye following them everywhere they go, much like what Sarah Willie experienced when she went grocery shopping on the north side of Chicago (Thompson, 277), but this is something a white girl rarely experiences. I was suddenly placed into a society of hip hop culture that I didn’t fully understand and this immediately made me an outsider. Luckily, I had an advantage over some of my “computer-geek” Wartburg companions because I at least had a sense of street fashion and graffiti art and enjoyed listening to rap music. This allowed me to connect with many of the people there, but I was still viewed as something foreign to be tested and examined due to my “fact of whiteness.” Fanon speaks of the Fact of Blackness, stating that the white man will always judge the black man by his skin color no matter how much he acts like the white man (116). I feel that a “fact of whiteness” definitely came into play during my time spent at the mission. No matter how much I tried to fit in (and I did try, which undoubtedly humored many people), I was still viewed first and foremost as a white person and was associated with all the negative stereotypes that came along with it. These included ideas of how white people are greedy, selfish, racist, and violent towards minorities, especially blacks. They saw this violence in the form of small businesses, corporations, and the larger structures of society. Although most of the people there learned to like me, it would have taken a long time for them to learn to trust me, if that was even possible. My “otherness” was inescapable.
Ironically, my sense of being the “norm” was also inescapable during my time spent in San Bernardino. In this country, when it comes to race, and socioeconomic class for that matter, I am the “norm” in every sense of the term. Even though I was surrounded by a sea of black and brown faces, I still knew that I was the “norm” because I represented the larger society’s set of values and standards. I couldn’t help but look at these people through the lens of my own experience. This meant that I imposed certain ideals and expectations upon these people because I had come to believe that “our way” (being the white, middle class way) was the better way. Fanon says it plainly: “There is a fact: white men consider themselves superior to black men” (10). This feeling of superiority is typical of the “norm.”
After spending a few days at the mission, I started to become very uncomfortable with my “normalcy” and felt guilty for being born into a white, middle class family where I was able to receive a decent education, participate in extracurricular activities, and go to an expensive college with the hopes of someday finding economic stability due to the degree I will receive. It all seemed so unfair. Then, in what I can only view as divine intervention, I became close friends with a young Mexican man named Kuff who worked at the mission. We were somehow able to immediately connect on a spiritual and emotional level, disregarding all of our obvious differences. Even though he was a poverty stricken minority who was desperately trying to receive his citizenship and his GED, we discovered that we had very similar fears concerning our sense of identity, our faith, and our future. We had many open and honest talks concerning these issues, and we developed a deep respect for each other. Before meeting Kuff, I was having a difficult time accepting my privileged position in society, and he was having a hard time with his own personal identity. Through our friendship, I came to understand and appreciate him and, in part, “his people.” He in turn found a way to do the same for me.  
As was demonstrated in the movie Man Without a Face, people do not come to find their identities in isolation. McLeod could not accept his “otherness” until he was fully accepted by another person. Charles was also having difficulty establishing his own identity until McLeod accepted him as a student and a friend. It was only at this point that these two found their own identities and became comfortable with them (Gibson, 1993). Kuff and I went through an almost identical experience together. Whereas we used to be defined by others, we now are able to define ourselves because of the relationship we had that was built on trust. Kuff accepting me for who I was helped me to accept myself, and vice versa. I was able to move past my “white birthright,” so to speak, and realize that I had a certain responsibility to help the poor. Kuff was able to move past his sense of being trapped and defined by society, and was able to take some responsibility for certain aspects of his life that he could control. We no longer saw each other or ourselves in terms of the “other” of the “norm.” We only viewed each other as people. This acceptance of myself also helped me to become comfortable with the idea that my faith didn’t conform to that of any denomination. Even Augustine, on his long and personal journey of self discovery, did not come to define himself in isolation. He was greatly influenced by his mother and by Bishop Ambrose (Augustine, 108, 195-209).
It is very important to understand the concept of how individuals fit into the categories of the other and the norm, how this occurs, and how we develop a sense of self. A person’s position shifts when they change settings between groups of people who have different standards and expectations for what is normal and acceptable. Each person is a product of the society they were raised in; however, they can develop their unique identity through personal experiences and relationships. This process of defining oneself is difficult, but it can be done. Humans have the ability to move beyond stereotypes and classifications to the point where they can view people as just that: people.








Bibliography

Augustine. The Confessions of St. Augustine. New York: New American
Library, 1963.
Fanon, Frantz. Black Skin White Masks. New York: Grove Press, 1952.
Gibson, Mel, director. Man Without A Face, 1993.
Thompson, Becky, and Sangeeta Tyagi, eds. Names We Call Home. New York:
Routledge, 1996.

Chelsea Forbrook '06 is a religion and social work major at Wartburg College.