“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief or bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”
–Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude
The cafeteria was quiet. Most of the football players had left and the student workers were already starting to clean up. Glenn sat alone at his table finishing up the his meal. A single crust of bread remained on his plate laying among the scattered crumbs of his turkey sandwich. A water-stained fork sat in his half- eaten salad which had already been a brown hew when he had first scooped it up. Three clear glasses lined the top of his tray. Two empty. The third halfway there. The clear water took on a foggy color through the light of the poorly cleaned glass.
Quietly he stood and tended to his dishes before putting on his coat and heading out into the cold autumn air. The cold didn’t bother Glenn much. He could deal with the cold and it was better than the humidity that came with the Iowa summers. He wasn’t used to that, and he didn’t think he ever would be. The cold though was no different than back home. So he walked across the small campus to the library. Nodding to those students he recognized from classes along the way and saying “hello” only when it would have been rude not to.
The library was quiet for the most part. However, the high ceilings allowed for an extraordinary echo on those occasions when a book was dropped or the librarian sneezed at her desk. Glenn passed tables filled with students poring over chemistry, math, and history text books. He never understood the need to study in a library when the dorm provided a suitable desk, but he said nothing. He simply took his bag and his coat and placed them on a remote table in the back , then crossing back he browsed through the fiction section, waiting for something to catch his eye. A collection of Greek myths which he had read last week, a story about a girl who stole the last page from books, the tale of a high school stat keeper who longed for his old glory days on the football field. He had read most of them, and even enjoyed a few. A tome of short stories from various Russian authors called to him today and he tenderly pulled it from the shelf and scanned the inside cover. A few names seemed familiar but most were new to him.
Hours seemed to pass in minutes as the stories unfolded. Glenn particularly liked the story about the nose who had run away from a city official, despite the fact that he had read part of it years ago. Gogol had always been a favorite author of his. Another one of Gogol’s stories which Glenn hadn’t read before also made an appearance in the collection. The story of a lonely man whose life revolved around his work until a new overcoat gave him a social life which eventually led to his demise. It was sad and ironic, and Glenn couldn’t help but enjoy it.
Glenn heard the foot steps behind him long before he heard the voice. That is why he didn’t flinch when Mira tossed her book on his table and softly said “boo” as she took the chair next to him. Glenn had known Mira for a while. Since their first day of college really. She had her moments when Glenn wished he could legally strangle her, but all in all he enjoyed her company more then he did that of the other people on campus.
“What time are you eating dinner?”
“Dinner?” Glenn finished reading the page and put down the book, finally taking a moment to look at Mira. Her hair was just past her shoulders and was finally back to its natural color, a soft strawberry blonde. She had given up on curling it and let her bangs fall gently across her forehead. She was wearing a dark hoodie, which brought out her soft grey eyes, and a simple pair of blue jeans. Despite the simplicity she still managed to look very pretty. However, if he had said anything about it she would surely argue the fact. Instead he answered the question. “Uh… I had kind of forgotten about dinner. What time is it?”
“It’s five.”
“And the caf closes?
“Six.”
“Huh…I guess I should eat tonight.”
Mira rolled her eyes and gave him the same look his mother had always given him when he said something that ticked her off. Glenn smiled awkwardly as he prepared for the lecture that was bound to follow. Instead she just sighed and picked up her book. “Come on we’re getting dinner.”
Glenn gathered his belongings and followed her out of the library. Stopping briefly to return the book back to its nook on the shelf. He would remember it for tomorrow and finish it then. Buttoning up his coat he stepped out after Mira to travel across the cold campus. The wind had picked up since lunch and seemed to bring the promise of a storm.
The cafeteria was already full of obnoxious students when they arrived. Glenn grabbed his tray and filled it with the usual crappy salad, sub-par sandwich, and glasses of water. He then wandered into the sea of students to find an empty table to sit at. He failed in this task. Instead he was flagged down by Ian. Ian and Glenn used to hang out a lot, but recently with classes being what they were the two of them just never seemed to have time to talk. Glenn didn’t really mind, and he knew that nothing could be done about it. Yet some part of him was still spiteful. He smiled and sat down at the table anyway, making sure to leave an open spot for Mira. There were others at the table. Glenn only knew a few of them.
“How are classes?” Ian asked as Glenn took a bite out of his sandwich.
Mentally Glenn sighed. It seemed like people always waited for his mouth to be full to ask him a question. He held up a finger signaling that he would respond in a moment, and took a drink of water to help speed the process up.
“They aren’t too bad. How about you? Keeping up with everything?”
“As best I can. I have a Chem test that I should be studying for on Monday, but I will probably put that off till Sunday. You got any plans for the weekend?
“Not unless you want to make them.” Glenn spotted Mira wandering through the crowd and waved until she spotted him. “No. I am probably just going to get some reading done, maybe play some video games, chat with friends. You know the usual.”
“Well I think Kayla and I are going to go to a movie and hit a bar or two. You’re welcome to join us.” Mira sat down next to Glenn and said hello to the others at the table before starting on her pasta. Glenn noticed that no one asked her questions when her mouth was full. “It would give you something to do at least.” Ian tagged on as though an afterthought.
“I suppose that sounds good.” Glenn mumbled before taking a bite of his salad. “When are you leaving?”
“The movie starts at 9:45. So probably 9:30.”
“Alright just give me a call when you are heading out and I will meet you at your room.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Ian turned back to his plate which had been stacked with everybody else’s dirty dishes while he had been distracted. They all looked back at him with innocent eyes and shrugs. Glenn chuckled to himself.
The meal continued in a festive manner as everyone talked about their plans for getting wasted on the weekend. Glenn had no intention of joining in the drinking but laughed along anyway as they talked about how much fun it would be. And whenever he saw the opportunity took a shot at anyone who left themselves open for a good insult. Mira shot looks at the rest of the table which seemed to be missed by everyone but Glenn. She was as strongly opposed to drinking as Glenn was. Probably part of why they got along so well. The only difference was that Glenn pretended he didn’t loath the fools who used it as a crutch to get through their pitiful lives. She didn’t bother to pretend, it seemed.
As the meal came to an end the others picked up their trays and left, leaving Glenn and Mira to finish their meals. It struck Glenn that he had said nothing to her since they sat down. He felt like an ass for a brief moment as his mind raced for something interesting to say. He had no luck so he instead went for the obvious conversation starter.
“So what are your plans for the weekend?” She had obviously been thinking about something else, and seemed surprised by the sudden direct address. She stared back for a moment as she processed the question.
“I’m probably going to hang out with some friends. I don’t know what we are doing.”
“Well I am sure it will be a blast. I think Ian, Kayla, and I are going to a movie, and then they are drinking but if you want to do something later let me know.” Glenn looked over at her plate and she had obviously been done for a few minutes. He still wanted to finish his salad, but his instincts told him it was best to leave it. “You ready to go? I’m full.”
“Yea,” Mira pushed her chair back with a sigh, “let’s go.” Gathering his tray once more Glenn followed Mira out of the caf and into the fading light. He said good-bye and they went their separate ways back to their rooms. Glenn pulled his coat collar up to stave off the wind before stabbing his hands into his pockets. Perhaps he wouldn’t be spending another weekend alone after all.
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The next few hours went slowly despite Glenn’s efforts to fill the time. Seven slowly rolled into eight which seemed to freeze before eventually switching to nine. Nine thirty came around at last and Glenn waited for the phone call from Ian. Five minutes passed and he called Ian. No answer. Five more and he went to knock on Ian’s door. Nothing. Not a sound. Glenn looked at his watch, 9:47, the movie had started already. Something inside of him wanted to cry, but instead he just chuckled and walked back to his room. It was silly, really. This happened nearly every week, and he half expected it by now. Yet he was always a little hurt when it happened. Honestly he thought he should be laughing harder then he was now.
The emptiness of the room seemed staggering when Glenn entered it this time. He had made the mistake of opting for a single room thinking that it would give him a place to study and still let friends hang out, but he quickly saw that neither of those things were going to happen. Instead it was just another reminder of how life had let him down once again. How his ‘friends’ had let him down. Aside from the glow of his computer screen the room was dark. Glenn liked it that way. In the dark he could imagine that he was somewhere else. Perhaps a movie theater with his friends. He laughed again at the thought.
Sitting at his desk he checked his instant messenger. Only a few people online and none of them worth talking to. Mira’s appeared online, but she probably just forgot to set her status to away. People did that from time to time. Glenn was just as guilty of that as anyone. Then again there was no reason not to check. His eyes adjusted to the dark as his fingers tried to find home row. He missed and his first attempt to say ‘hello’ instead came out ‘jr;;p’ which he quickly deleted. Glenn stood up to kick his shoes across the room and to grab his case of games. If he was going to be spending the weekend physically alone, he might as well find some friends to kill monsters with.
When he had finally picked his game he returned to the computer and slumped back into the chair. A single eyebrow shot up in surprise. Mira, had responded to his ‘hello.’ And quite promptly at that. Glenn shook his head in disappointment. Obviously her friends had ditched her too. He never understood why people were such unreliable asses at times. He didn’t know why he bothered with friends anymore. They always left him when he needed them most, and once he got over the original hurt he was usually just as happy. Ian and the others could go screw themselves for all he cared. He didn’t need friends anymore. He would be content in his solitude. He sat down to play his game when a thought struck him. Mira wouldn’t have reached this same conclusion. She wouldn’t be happy alone all night like he would be. He sighed as he grabbed his coat and a stack of movies.
Ever since that first day on campus he and Mira had had their connection. She had always been there to listen as he ranted about the morons he surrounded himself with constantly. She wouldn’t say anything, only nod and listen as he would go on about how his life was going nowhere. When he was done she would put an arm around his shoulder and they would sit until one of them had to leave. In return for this Glenn was always there when a boy was causing problems in her life. He never knew what to say so instead he would let her cry on his shoulder and promise her that everything would be alright in the end. He wasn’t sure that it would be, but he said it anyway. That is why he knew he was needed tonight.
The campus seemed busier at night with the howling wind and the rumble of thunder in the distance. He ran as the rain started to come down and in time he reached the girls’ dorms. Climbing the flight of stairs while shaking off his coat and the movies Glenn went to knock on Mira’s door. His hair hung across his forehead into his eyes, and he tried his best to shake it dry. It instantly fell back and he gave up hope on changing it. He waited a moment longer before knocking again.
Glenn heard the footsteps on the other side before he saw the handle turn and the door creak open to show a red eyed Mira. A dark blue blanket hung over her shoulders covering a plain white T-shirt and athletic shorts. Glenn just managed to catch a smile before it was able to reach his lips. Somehow even now she managed to look beautiful. Once again Glenn wanted to say something, but nothing came to mind. Instead he broke the silence in the only way he could think of.
“Boo”
“Hello. What happened to your movie?”
“It got over early.”
“It is 10 o’clock.”
“So it got over really early.” Mira rolled her eyes and shot him a look that said she was done playing that game. “I asked myself, why pay to go to a movie with people who I don’t really even like when I can watch movies for free with someone I do?” Glenn smiled as warmly as he knew how before adding. “Besides I can’t let you go out dressed like that. It’s raining.”
A brief smile flashed across her face and for a moment Glenn forgot his loathing towards the world. Stepping out of the door way Mira pulled the blanket around her.
“They left you didn’t they?” She stopped for a short moment, holding her blanket tighter, and then continued with a smile. “Come on in, and take your coat off. You are soaked.”
Glenn smiled as he unzipped his coat and stepped out of the hall, closing the door behind him.