Lights up. Stage right is a bingo machine with St. Peter sitting behind it. Stage Left enters man in bloody police uniform. He is handed a playing card at the entrance by an angel. He takes the card and slowly makes his way to center stage to sit between a hobo and a prostitute.
ST. PETER: Let's take a moment to meet our newest guest. He was an LA police officer until he met his unfortunate end by being gunned down by a junkie in an abandoned warehouse. Let's give a warm welcome to our newest member of purgatory . . . John A. Doe. (sparse applause and a few mumbles) Welcome to St. Peter's purgatory bingo, John, just have a seat. (He sits, still confused)
HOBO: (disgusted) Great, more competition . . . I need a drink!
JOHN: (confused) I'm sorry?
PROSTITUTE: (rolling eyes and sighing out loud) I believe he said "more competition, that's all we need." He's been here about ten years . . . died under a bridge of alcohol poisoning, he's still a little bitter. Look, I know you're new here, so I'll give you a few tips, Johnny boy.
ST. PETER: G-3; G as in God, three as in the three in one.
(Hobo looks hopeful but sighs, woman focuses attention on game card but shakes head in disdain and continues on)
PROSTITUTE: Well, you know the game . . . (man looks at her dumbfounded) BINGO!
JOHN: Well, ummm, yeah..?
PROSTITUTE: Well, it's the same here as anywhere else only, if you win, you've obviously had enough people praying for you that you get to go back and start over.
ST. PETER: B-10; B as in Bread of Life, ten as in ten commandments.
(Hobo and prostitute check cards again. She marks, he pounds fist on table)
JOHN: What do you mean . . . second chance?
PROSTITUTE: I mean (rolls eyes) SECOND CHANCE!! You get to be born and go through life again.
JOHN: (distressed) Oh . . . I see. (He looks at and feels his wounds. He looks around the room and his eyes land on the hobo beside him, hunched over his card)
ST. PETER: O-40; O as in Omega, forty as in forty days in the wilderness.
JOHN: (nudges the prostitute) So, what if I don't want to go back?
(All action and movement stops. All goes quiet and all eyes are on him)
ST. PETER: Sir, you have to play, everyone has to play.
JOHN: (looking around, frightened) I was just wondering, that's all . . .
(All action begins again. Prostitute and hobo look at him, unsure)
ST. PETER: I-6; I as in Immortal, six as in on day six God created man.
(John looks at his game piece and begins to mark)
(CURTAIN)